It is not often that a film #adaptation of a #videogame turns out to be any good. Maybe there is some ancient curse in place. But movie studios cannot seem to grasp the elements of what made the games great in the first place. Why is this relevant right now? The film adaptation of the well-known video game franchise #AssassinsCreed is soon to be released in cinemas around the world, and fans are eager to see if the film will be spectacular, or a spectacular flop. Will Michael Fassbender be able to realistically portray an 11th century Israeli assassin? It is a leap of faith and I am not holding my breath. Check out the trailer below.
What follows is a list of truly terrible films that are based on video games. Please do not seek these out. If you want to watch a film that is so bad it’s good, choose The Room.
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1. The Angry Birds Movie
Ahh, #AngryBirds — remember four years ago when that was a hugely popular app? Well it only took three years for the movie industry to make the film version. I assume there was no logic in place for the film studio. I can only imagine the execs' conversations went something along the lines of: "Let’s make a film based on something that has not been popular for over a year." Based on this logic, we should be expecting the #PokemonGo movie next year.
The Angry Birds Movie was loud and colorful in the worst way possible. The average round of the Angry Birds game lasts around three minutes — I wish the move had as well. It’s aimed at children, I am well aware, but even they seemed bored after the first 25 minutes. Essentially this is a five-minute story stretched out over nearly two hours. It grows stale very quickly.
2. Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life
The first film adaptation in this series was passable at best, but not that bad. It boasted a strong cast and Angelina Jolie's solid portrayal of #LaraCroft. This sequel took the strong foundation that had been built in the first adaptation and demolished it. There are many #plotholes to be found within this film and it feels rushed, as if it were created purely as a moneymaking magnet rather than a tribute to the game franchise. The plot holes just kept on growing into an increasing vortex that sucked the life out of The Cradle of Life and left it as an uncreative and desolate attempt to continue the #TombRaider legacy.
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- What Does The 'Tomb Raider' Movie Reboot Storyline Mean For The New Lara Croft?
3. Resident Evil
This video game adaptation is probably the series that has received the highest praise out of all the titles on this list — but that is not something to shout about. The #ResidentEvil films have been drawn out to death to a point where they now resemble zombie carcasses. They’ve become void of life and creativity, lacking direction and a compelling storyline. I feel like I am watching the same film on repeat, the only thing that changes is the location and a fraction of the storyline.
Check out the trailer for Resident Evil: The Final Chapter ahead of its theatrical release on January 27, 2017.
Want a four-word summary of the films? #MadMax with zombies. But we are talking Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome here, which was unbearable. I feel sorry for Milla Jovovich being cast in these films. She is much better than that. Just watch The Fifth Element and see for yourself.
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4. Need For Speed
Yeah cars, bitch! Poor Aaron Paul faced the devastating normality that comes with starring in a critically adored TV series, then being cast in a string of terrible films once the TV show finishes. It happened to Bryan Cranston as well — do not even try to watch #Godzilla.
In need for speed, Paul stars as Tobey Marshall, a tough street racer who is seeking revenge for his wrong conviction and incarceration. So it starts like any other racing film. The movie ran for more than two hours but never got out of second gear. It had the unfortunate placement of being released between two really well-received Fast and Furious movies. The plot was poor, rushed and hackneyed. Sorry, Aaron Paul, this was not up to the level of #BreakingBad. Maybe stick to television?
- Aaron Paul Finds Himself Struggling With A Cult In Hulu's New Series 'The Path'
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5. Silent Hill
Here is a perfect example of how to take a widely successful horror game, remove all the horror and replace it with ridiculous gore and laughably ghoulish characters. A mother has wondered into the town of #SilentHill to search for a cure to her daughter's illness, but she finds herself trapped in the town with no means of escape.
Firstly, the movie changed the gender of the main character. Maybe the rationale is that a woman in a very short skirt is more of a selling point than a male lead. The plot, like the main character, seems lost. #PyramidHead even makes an appearance, but does not seem anywhere near as terrifying as he is in the video game. Sean Bean (a.k.a #NedStark) even makes an appearance, but doesn’t exactly do much. The film is not nearly as scary as the video games and I found myself laughing more than cowering.
- Netflix Sensation 'Stranger Things' Was Partly Inspired By... 'Silent Hill'!
- Long Lost 'Silent Hill' Footage Emerges: What Konami Didn't Want You To See
When Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson left the squared circle to focus on his acting career, many of his fans were quick to insist that wrestling is acting anyway — but that discussion is for another post. The world was hopeful #TheRock would prevail and his acting skills would match up to those he displayed inside the ring.
2016 sees Johnson standing tall as the highest-paid actor in the world, but 2005 was not a good year for the Scorpion King. This was epitomized by the on-screen adaptation of one of the most renowned video games ever created, #Doom. The plot is as follows: While exploring a space base located on #Mars, The Rock's Sarge and his team are attacked by a series of hellish demons who have spawned from the depths of hell.
There are moments within the film — like when we see through the eyes of the characters — that mirror the original game. Apparently some of these scenes had to be abridged due to the fact they made audience members feel nauseous. It’s a forgettable outing for The Rock and a film that will only be rivaled for its awfulness by The Scorpion King or Tooth Fairy.
- 'The Rock' Might Be Fighting A Giant Werewolf, Gorilla And Lizard In His Next Film
- Calculative Chainsaws: The Craziest Things People Have Gotten 'Doom' To Run On
- All The 'Doom 2016' Easter Eggs We Have Found (So Far)
7. Super Mario Bros.
Who can forget this one? You don’t even have to have watched it when it was first released in '93 to know just how spectacularly awful it was. The movie and accompanying TV series have gone down in history as some of the worst moments to ever grace our screens. The direction was lost; it is almost like they just did not try at all.
The studio had a rough idea of what it was going for, but the film failed in its execution. Where was Danny DeVito? He’s a perfect fit for #Mario. Some films can join that small collection of movies that are so bad they’re good. This collection is of course spearheaded by Tommy Wiseau’s aforementioned The Room. Super Mario Bros. doesn’t even join that clique — it's a swing and a miss. It's bad, really bad, and deserves no cult-like status.
- 7 Scariest Super Mario Enemies Ranked
- 8 Crazy Things That Actually Happened On The "Harrowing" Shoot Of 'Super Mario Bros.'
Assassin's Creed will be released in cinemas on December 21. Any films that should be added to this list of clangers? Let us know in the comments.