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You're a die-hard gamer, and a law student with a lust for power and an urge to rule. You want to be a politician, but you know that playing video games is an exploitable character flaw, as many in our stigmatizing society will perceive you as immature and nerdy.

That they're wrong doesn't matter much, because in politics the truth is very relative and of little importance. You know this, and it keeps you up at night. Almost as much as trying to beat six AIs on Immortal difficulty in Civilization 6. You want to be strong and focus entirely on your future career in politics, not spending time on video game recreation, but you've realized you're asking too much of yourself.

In many ways, Civilization is the perfect game to secretly prepare yourself for politics. [Credit: Firaxis Games]
In many ways, Civilization is the perfect game to secretly prepare yourself for politics. [Credit: Firaxis Games]

Video games help you relax, it's what keeps you sane and human, and you believe that's an important trait in a politician because you're young, idealistic and naive. You don't want to cut your soul in half to devote yourself fully to the halls of power.

In other words, you don't have the stomach for it, and normally this would exclude you from ever being able to play in the political big league. There are no compromises, if you want to go all the way.

Unless of course, you have a guide like this one. Because here's how to deceive the public and keep your background as a gamer from ruining your political career.

Remember The Language Barrier

Defeating a Big Daddy gives you bragging rights, but be careful about how the words come out. [Credit: 2K Games / Irrational Games]
Defeating a Big Daddy gives you bragging rights, but be careful about how the words come out. [Credit: 2K Games / Irrational Games]

The internet never forgets, and if you plan to make it politically big at some point, you have to regulate your language. No more 1337 speak.

No more tweets telling your followers that you "took off some heads with a chainsaw last night" after playing Dead Rising, or that you "Can't wait to beat that Big Daddy tonight."

No more Facebook statuses declaring that "Diablo is great!" after you cleared Act 1, or that "Teddy Roosevelt is such an asshole" when he attacked your settlement in the Classical Era. The political world speaks Orwellian Newspeak and so should you.

Mind Your Toxicity Levels

Trolling or sabotaging an online game can be a way to let off steam, and it's definitely better to go all Patrick Bateman on someone on the internet instead of in real life, since no one knows who you really are and the consequences are minimal.

But being identified as a person doing something really toxic, like what we see in the video above, can trash your career. Because everyone knows an asshole when they see one, be it in a video game or not. And don't trust your anonymity online; your in-game friends will sell you out if there's enough money involved.

If you want success in politics, you have to be able to swallow your pride and make compromises. Something that doesn't come naturally to a lot of gamers.

No More Mr. Bad Guy

Don't ever tell anyone what you, Minsc and the hamster did in that Athkatla alley. [Credit: BioWare]
Don't ever tell anyone what you, Minsc and the hamster did in that Athkatla alley. [Credit: BioWare]

Political correctness is a thing, not so much in video games but very much in politics. The mere fact that you at one time made a chaotic evil Baldur's Gate character and did some terrible, terrible things to a bunch of innocent NPCs might be enough to harm your political reputation if it ever comes to light.

If you're playing any kind choice-based game with character creation and development, make sure to always walk the path of righteousness to reflect how you would treat people in real life.

Play The Straight Edge Games

This would probably be a bit much for your religious voters. [Credit: id Software]
This would probably be a bit much for your religious voters. [Credit: id Software]

The public doesn't like controversial games like GTA, Manhunt or Doom. They are too violent to have a broad appeal, too sexually explicit to work with more god-fearing voters and sometimes just a bit too honest.

Politics are about deception, and you don't want people to know, that you're playing the same game the Columbine Kids were playing or one that's actually illegal in several countries.

Weathering The Storm If Busted

Everybody loves Nathan. [Credit: Naughty Dog]
Everybody loves Nathan. [Credit: Naughty Dog]

Tell the public you like Uncharted (strong-willed, handsome, witty, white male lead with a kind heart) and Tomb Raider (strong-willed, beautiful, witty, white female lead with a kind heart). You'll project the qualities of Nathan Drake or Lara Croft while the second game proves that you're not a bigot.

When you come home, continue playing Postal 2 while laughing hysterically at the ignorance of mankind. Later, begin planning how to translate your Montezuma terror regime in Civilization V to real life within the next 10 years.

How do you plan to take over the world?

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