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"A day without laughter is a day wasted." -Charlie Chaplin .

Suicide, incest, kidnapping, murder. What do these four things have in common? They all belong to Disney movies.

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#1 Pinocchio - I've got a noose to hang myself.

In Disney's beloved 1940 classic interpretation of Carlo Collodi novel The Adventures of Pinocchio we get a charming story about a puppet magically coming to life and yearning to be a real boy. Sounds like a cute story, right? It is... Sort of. The Disney version at times does show dark imagery (such as the young boys being kidnapped from their homes, being turned into asses and sold to the coal mines.), but even that doesn't match the original source material of Collodi's 1883 novel. At least in the Disney film, Pinocchio reunites with his father, Jiminy Cricket lives, Pinocchio becomes a real boy, yay!

The "original story" takes a depressing turn of events for our wooden protagonist. When Collodi originally wrote the story of Pinocchio, the little puppet actually runs away soon after learning how to walk and begins to cause mischief in the streets. He is stopped by Carabiniere (Italian police) and they take him back home. This is when things get messed up; the police arrest Geppetto for alleged child abuse. After this scene, here comes Jiminy Cricket with all his helpful wisdom for Pinocchio... eh, kind of. Jiminy actually scolds Pinocchio for pretty much being an asshole to his father and being a little trouble maker. At this point in the story, Pinocchio is in tears and clearly upset so the last thing the little guy needs is to be patronized by a talking insect.

So what does our cute puppet boy do? He squashes Jiminy with a mallet. The End. Thanks for reading guys! Alright, alright there's more to the story. Fast forward a few pages, Pinocchio is encountered by bandits - The Cat & The Fox. The bandits chased Pinocchio down until they finally caught up with him, tied a rope around his neck and hung him from a tree. That's it. The original story ended in that fashion with no happy ending, no magical blue fairy. Collodi wanted to send a message about children being disobedient can face grave consequences for their actions (if that meant being tortured and hung). Fortunately for all the innocent souls out there, Collodi's original ending didn't come to fruition after the editor of the paper asking him to continue writing. While requesting for a more family friendly ending. The blue fairy is added, the puppet lives, he reunites with his father and learns his lesson.

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#2 The Lion King - You did what with your sister?

Just about everybody and their mama mentions William Shakespeare, Hamlet. How his story is the main inspiration for Lion King. Which is partially true since the story of Lion King has similar ties to Japan's animated series, Kimba: The White Lion. The story of Simba is similar to Mali legend, Epic of Sundiata. I would like to say all three are big inspirations for Lion King, but this isn't about who inspired Lion King or what's Lion King based on.

Deep breath...

Ok, lets dive in.
Ok, lets dive in.

I'm trying to figure out why hasn't anyone noticed that Simba is having a romantic relationship with his sister, Nala! I am not kidding around when I say that technically speaking Nala and Simba are siblings. I don't consider this a "deep mind blowing theory" for the internet it really comes across obvious with factual evidence. In the world of Lion King, all of the animals act pretty much the same as their real world counterparts (minus the talking and musical numbers). Which is all added for entertainment purposes. Since it is a Disney family film you can't be too serious.

During the first half of the movie, it's established that Mufasa is the leader of his pride, while Scar is clearly not. Like all lion prides, there is a group of females, sometimes 2 males within the pride and the one male lion that leads the pride. The audience already knows Scar has no cubs of his own in Mufasa's pride. It's clearly stated that Simba is the offspring of both Mufasa and Sarabi. If that's the case who's Nala's father? Who are the other lionesses? Some people will make up fan-fiction to figure out who her father is, or claim maybe the dad died. I believe Nala is the daughter of Mufasa, but her mother is not the main lioness to the pride leader. We see this kind of behavior in real prides where the male will mate with just about every mature female when she is in heat. The male will keep the company one particular lioness since females are not in heat all at once.

Lions in the Lion King act just like a real pride. Since they act very similar to the real things it makes me believe even more that Nala belongs to Mufasa, because if she didn't she would be dead. In a real pride, the male would never keep the cubs of another male lion alive. They would be separated from their mother, killed and sometimes eaten by the male. This means every lion cub in a pride belongs to the head male. So what are we looking at? Mufasa is both the father of Simba and Nala. Simba married his sister (or half-sister). They made love and had a daughter. The daughter's name is Kiara, she falls in love with Kovu. Kovu is supposedly the son of Scar (guessing Scar had a pride on the side without Mufasa knowing, plot hole?). Kiara and Kovu are now in an intimate relationship. This is gross, on top of that very confusing. Let's agree that this family tree is really messed up.

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# 3 Peter Pan - You get murdered! And you get murdered! Everybody gets murdered!

Peter Pan is supposed to be the embodiment of boyhood - while that is somewhat true there are a lot of dark truths behind the story of Pan. Starting with the possibility that Peter murdered the Lost Boys out of pure enjoyment (my reaction) . This kind of dark storytelling was not uncommon for children's stories, some were meant to teach children manners, mind your elders or face certain consequences. Nowadays popular children stories are sanitized to be less dark- more bubbly and fun for the entire family! In the original story written by J. M. Barrie (Sir James Matthew Barrie), Peter is more of a mischievous boy with dark intentions than a high-spirited lad yearning for adventure and having fun with his gang. There is a tongue in cheek text that Barrie puts in the story that implies Peter killed the boys once they reach a certain age -

All wanted blood except the boys, who liked it as a rule, but to-night were out to greet their captain. The boys on the island vary, of course, in numbers, according as they get killed and so on; and when they seem to be growing up, which is against the rules, Peter thins them out; but at this time there were six of them, counting the twins as two. Let us pretend to lie here among the sugar-cane and watch them as they steal by in single file, each with his hand on his dagger.

Read the full page: Here.

Naysayers believe the text meant that Peter would allow the boys to enter the real world when they got too old. Which sounds fine and dandy even though it was mentioned that only Peter could with the help of Tinker Bell's magical dust. The only one that was granted that ability to leave was Wendy since she was special. The reason why it's highly believed that the lost boys were killed for fun is the fact the Peter would switch sides during battles against the pirates. In conclusion, Peter Pan had a mucked up mind.

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# 4 Pocahontas - I was just a child.

Disney's 1995, Pocahontas is still considered one of the most racially insensitive movies to exist. In the Disney adaption, Pocahontas is fetishized as an exotic princess that falls in love with an ignorant handsome blue eyed, blonde hair Aryan man, while having the ability to sing and dance with animals... because that's a very Native American thing to do. I know it's hard to believe that Pocahontas didn't have a friendly raccoon by her side, but I swear it's total fiction. The truth is just about 97% of the Disney version is false. What was the 3% Disney got right? 1. White men did invade Native American land. 2. Pocahontas was taken to Europe. 3. She did save John's life and they both got married.

What's real and what's fiction? First of all, she was not a young adult when first meeting John Smith. She was easily around the age of 10 or 12 years old! The name Matoaka is her actual Powhatan name, while it's believed "Pocahontas" is a nickname meaning "playful one" that was given to her as a child. Other sources claim this is an act of whitewashing - that the name "Pocahontas" was a derogatory name meaning "naughty one" or "spoiled child". In fact, she was more than likely called Amonute for short. It's disgusting, borderline sinister to know Disney tried to create a Romeo & Juliet story out of a horrible event in history. Especially, romanticizing over a grown man having an "intimate" relationship with a little girl.

By the way, the actual "heroic" Captain John Smith was a stubby pretentious man with a beard (NOT at all tall, handsome, muscular or young). Here is a portrait of the real person:

Unfortunately, Matoaka died at the young age of 21 years old.

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# 5 Cinderella - My eyes!

I'm going to keep this one short and sweet. In the Grimm's fairytale of Cinderella there are no mice, but two doves. I'll get to the doves in a second, so, Cinderella's step sisters obtain the glass slippers. Unfortunately, for them, they can't fit the slippers - any idea what they do? Brace yourselves! They perform a body modification on themselves, in other words, they chop their feet down in order to fit the slippers.

Gross
Gross

And it gets worse for the step sisters. The two doves I mentioned earlier, well, they plucked out both of their eyes. Afterward, the sisters live a life as blind beggars as their dear sister Cinderella lives happily ever after with her Prince charming. How lovely.

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Let me know which fact(s) surprised you the most?

Any disturbing facts from a Disney movie you think are worse these? Let me know in the comments below!

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Next week's article: What's beating Mickey?

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