Friends are very interesting relationships to have. They are very different from your relationships with your families, and very different from your non existent relationships with acquaintances. It's a nice in between. But if this year has taught me anything, it has taught me that the whole script could be flipped right before your eyes.
As humans, it is our nature to care and show compassion towards others we share a connection with. But what happens if everything and so much more of that has been betrayed?
Upon meeting a friend of mine about a year ago, I never thought I would end up in the situation that I am now. He seemed like a shy yet caring kid. New to my school, fun personality; he seemed like someone I could eventually be close with. As time went on, we got closer, became one of my best friends. Then....well.... things got complicated.
There was some emotion there between the two of us..... things got sweet. Romantic gestures, sexual tension, friendship, everything anyone could want from another human being was right there in front of me. Yet, something felt wrong. The whole world around me told me it was okay to feel, to be happy, etc but my gut was trying to tell me something. I ignored it (for now).
Summer came and we both went our separate ways, on good terms, with the hopes of coming back in the fall. We kept in touch, occasionally came to visit and everything seemed fine. I had a great feeling about the upcoming year ahead and I was ready to be back with my people.
No sooner I get back, I notice a change, in not only my atmosphere but myself as well. Being comfortable is no longer a struggle for me, I can touch another human being without feeling a little nervous or scared. He took me on an adventure of a lifetime across mountains and streams (literally), and helped me so much along the way.
I started to trust him, and with that I entrusted him with things I had never trusted anyone with before. What would happen next, is something I never thought would happen so close to me.
I found out the truth. That he was not the person I knew for the past year. That he lied to me on multiple occasions about countless things, even little things. He put on a show this entire time I was talking to him. It left me speechless.
How could I be so naïve in thought, that I could trust anyone.... How could my own so called "friend" do this to me intentionally? Why? Why would you do this to not only me but to other girls? A million questions ran through my mind, as soon as I found out the real story.
In that moment I realized my own truth as well. This is what happens when you slightly put your guard down. I realized that I had to keep going in my life on my own, to not trust those I called "friend". It made me see how close people can get to you and how that can tear you apart.
The day I found out the lie that was my friendship, was the day I not only cut him out of my life but started a completely different road than I was before. Throughout my life I kind of always walked my own path whether it was going to school completely away from home, or just wanting different things than everybody else. But that day I saw the way I wanted to live. I saw what would make me happy.
What I saw was my life being with just me, and my friends, and my family. No significant other. You cannot escalate your friendship to a relationship because in the end you lose 2 aspects of your life in one. I learned that with going solo, there is nothing wrong staying that way. You are enough for yourself and seeking out happiness in the wrong way can only hurt you.
Being on your own with your emotions is not being lonely. It's taking care of and better yourself. We spend so much time idealizing life in the way of a movie or a show, but I've realized that it's important to make your own movie.