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Why I want to say thank you and fuck you // the devil in you for love

Here you again, human as ever can be, selfish as ever can be and all the above a monster you will always be.

Fuck you. For everything, for your ever lasting promises of wanting this relationship to ever work. To dignify me in a way I can't proceed to continue the dismissive thoughts of how you saved me but ruined me in so many ways I can't explain. You are nothing but a ticking time bomb waiting to explode on anyone or anything, you call yourself the angel you are, but a whore never will shut up about his imperfections, let's not forget the times I called you the best and once loved you for being selfless and now I see a monster who was tied to the guards of the devil as I lie upon your disgusting trust because I honestly believed you cared. And here I am in pain, a very brutal but relatable pain, I've come to realise you can be anything you want, have any girl you please but I will always be me, by the corner, wishing for you to disappear out of my life, to never say hi, to never ever look upon me and question my thoughts and to think I was ever wrong? Don't forget who loved you so much, ever so powerfully and beautifully as much as anyone, and you, you and your perfect art of "you, everything is you" when really it's about you, don't seduce me, in your "it's all about us today" no, no, again here you are doing your utter best to take over my life but I'm so alone with the idea you were never really here. Me all me, and therefore as I lie here ten times broken than ever before. I want to say thank you, for this

Thank you. For making me realise that pretty faces can idolise pretty lies, that eyes are the devils way of saying "pain will come once you awaken the wound" the sculpted figure of what I expected you to be ended up being the opposite, you came into my life to ruin me, you were so much wiser, so much older, so much bolder than who you seem to made out to be, and you were somewhat saving a bit of me too and I honestly believed that if you continue to save me I would love to lie in your arms and love everything about you, you are so beautiful and you have this amazing side of you, but I hate you with all my heart. And the truth is there is no truth in us, I just liked you, and the sad thing is - it lasted to short because love is always about lasting. I can't say I didn't try because I did, I honestly thought that this will become great and one day something I can look back and smile, but I'm done with you, I've come to realise the devil doesn't live underneath the floor, he lives in you. And you are not evil, you are the fire, the spit ball of everything I loved and obsessed everything I wanted and needed, and the reason you burn onto my skin so much and how much I hate you inside is because the devil makes you smile, make you fall in love with him. And when he gets the two things he wants, his end result is this

"I told you so. He never ever cared." And that's the worst feeling you could ever know. And that's the feeling you left behind.

-Ashley (Ash)

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