How do we develop emotional health and well being for a Bullied Child.
In Part 1 we looked at developing your Childs Self Esteem ideally before the bullying occurs. Today we are going to look at how to strengthen a victim emotionally after the Bullying has started. I am going to break this into to pieces for time constraints.
2a: Will be a look at #educating a child for a stronger emotional foundation.
2b We will look at #conditioning a child for a stronger Emotional foundation.
This is the hard part; the notorious bully, or the mean group of kid’s confront your child. Your son or daughter has been publicly ridiculed their mind spins not sure if they should punch and run, cower in the fetal position, or go home with a chronic imaginative stomach ache and never to return.
Before a person can properly deal with the bully, with others, or to properly report an incident, we want their head in the right place…
Maybe you haven’t been focusing on the idea of praising their diligence up to this point, you’ve been praising them for what they can do. Now they have a person or people showing them that they are a failure, that they don’t stack up, they can’t compete. They come home devastated, Now what?
This is where Education and Conditioning come in.
If We Can Get The Victim To See That The Pain Of Bullying Can Be Turned To Victory, We Are On Our Way To A Whole Heart.
Here is what I mean on education… a “bully” is seeking or exercising popularity and power when they are putting down a child. This makes us feel discouraged and alone. Educating a child is about creating an understanding and perspective not only of what the bully is doing... This helps mildly. But if we help to take them out of the feeling of Isolation, and connect them with others that have gone through hard times, we distance them and from the emotion. Putting them in an empathetic group of kids isn't bad if you have a good mediator, but they need to see victory on the other side. We need to take the issue out of the heart, filter them through a cerebral view and re-inject them back to the heart with victory in mind. This starts by sharing stories of success.
So I believe #Google can be your friend here . Find stories of people that have endured failure and found success.
Keep in mind there are two issues in being bullied
#1 A perceived shortcoming or differentiating issue
#2 The bully or bullies that are willing to point whatever makes you feel different.
Addressing one without the other leaves a fragile anxious individual.
Check out: 50 Famously Successful People Who Failed At First, here is just a sampling.
- Henry Ford
- Bill Gates
- Walt Disney
- Albert Einstein
- Thomas Edison
- Henry Truman
- Oprah Winfrey
- Harrison Ford
- Vincent Van Gough
- Michael Jordon
- Babe Ruth
Or if you want to deal specifically with Bullying, and people that have endured Bullying and found strength.
- Drew Brees (Top NFL Quarterback)
- Junior Dos Santos (Former UF)C Heavyweight Champion
- Michael Phelps (Greatest swimmer of all time with 22 Olympic Medals)
Or maybe your child can't relate with athletes at all... If you want more current Hollywood types
- Megan Fox
- Jennifer Lawerence
- Taylor Swift
- Prince Harry
The point is that you would show those that are being bullied; they not alone, they are in great company within their struggles and in being isolated by others that they may find the same catalyst that others allowed to elevate them to greatness. Familiarizing the victims with great stories of triumph educates them of what they are capable of. Give them a peak at their potential.
As A Parent, Coach Or Teach This Is A Great Opportunity to Gain Trust and Develop A Deeper Understanding Of The Child Mind.
This does take a little work and flexibility since I wouldn’t necessarily give a 6 year old an adult biography of Mahatma Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr. ( I would be happy to help anyone if finding specific resources for their children development level)
So the education process begins by showing the that they are not alone, That many of the greatest characters in history came from a position of torment and trial and that rising from the ashes they became great, compassionate and kind.
Google 'great quotes about #bullying, #perseverance and #endurance' and put them in their lunch box, on their mirror or around their room. You will begin developing some of the habits of the top performers in the world.
Last education pointer. Now your child has been bullied congratulations!!! They are now qualified to make a difference, and change the world even if its just a little bit (don't be afraid to tell them this).
Show them the different faces of being a bully. Our Culture pretends that they want bullying to decline or stop. But we either believe our own lie, or we really just don’t care.
Our Current Culture Celebrates Mockery And Criticism.
Look at our most popular Bullies, Some of which I like and or are very entertained by.
Most Late Night Talk Show Host open their shows with a Monologue that is often times Bullying or making fun of others. If you have a child that you think watches or you are ok with them watching one of these (Find a couple of examples on #youtube. Show them or watch with them and ask. In the midst of the laughter. Do you think this is Bullying? Of course it is. They have their audiences howling at the expense of others. Talk with your kids about how easy it is to laugh at others. Isn’t Saturday Night Live just a string of often times hysterical moments of mocking one another?
If they are in High School you might even talk to them about different sources of News. Opinion Journalism vs. Objective News Reporting.
Most reality TV shows are based on Heightened interpersonal drama, where people are crushed and deceived for others benefit. Or others are just ridiculed and bullied for our entertainment. I am not saying your shouldn’t let your kids watch. But if you do talk to them about what is happening. Ask do the see the mockery and bullying of others?
As people start to understand the background of an issue they can then start to work within it to make a difference. When people laugh at me, when I am bullied is it really even about me? Not generally.
So education starts with Taking the emotional spotlight and pressure off of the victim and allowing them to see that bullying isn't an issue about them it is cultural issue that many have risen out of and they can to.
The Emotional Conditioning Can Be One Of The Greatest Bonding Times For An Adult and Child.
The next section will be the conditioning part of emotion. The last thing you want to do is temporarily empower a victim while at home only to have that person know there is victory, but they don't know how to reach it.
Let your children know, now we have a sense of bullying we are going to condition your mind and heart to not be as susceptible. We are going to condition you, just like an athlete or actor practices and develops so will you. We have a plan of action, and we are a team.